Looking for Validation in All the Wrong Places
Time to Find Validation Within
Are you constantly seeking validation from others? Do you find yourself looking for approval in all the wrong places? It’s time to stop relying on others to make you feel good about yourself and start finding validation within yourself.
We often look for validation outside of ourselves. That means that we’re unsure of our footing in life or the choices we make and we want somebody to let us know we’ve made the right ones.
Validation is a Powerful Tool we All Seek
Validation is a powerful feeling that we all seek. We want to feel acknowledged, appreciated, and valued by others. However, seeking validation from external sources can be a slippery slope. We can end up feeling like we’re not good enough, constantly comparing ourselves to others, and feeling insecure.
The seeds are planted early in childhood when we looked for validation from a parent, a teacher or a sporting coach. We didn’t want to get into trouble so we looked for validation that we were moving in the right direction.
You’ve seen the kids who are always trying to be the best or get brownie points from the teacher or impress their parents. That’s looking for validation outside of yourself.
And it’s not just for kids. Remember the mother on the school committee that took on every job to impress others? Or the one who organizes ALL the soccer teams? Well, if they’re trying to impress somebody then they’re looking for validation.
External Validation Isn’t Necessary for Happiness
But what if I told you that you don’t need external validation to feel good about yourself because the key to finding happiness is within you? You are capable of acknowledging your own worth and validating your own accomplishments.
Validation in itself is good. It’s great in fact, because when you congratulate yourself on a job well done or a project that’s come to fruition then you’re uplifting yourself and moving your subconscious emotions to the next level. This means you no longer operate on the same emotional scale as you did previously. You’ve made a shift towards love and happiness.
The Power of Self Validation
Imagine you’re having a tough day, and nothing seems to be going your way. You can feel yourself slipping into that familiar spiral of negative thoughts and emotions that always ends in depression. But this time, something’s different because you catch yourself before you fall too far, and you start to change your thoughts. This time you focus on the positive, on the things you’re grateful for, on the little things that are working.
And then something amazing happens. You start to feel a little better. Your mood lifts, and you feel more optimistic about the future. You’ve saved yourself from the debilitating cycle of depression that has been holding you back for so long. You’ve taken control of your thoughts and your emotions, and you’ve now changed the direction of your future.
This is a powerful moment of validation and one that you should be proud of. You did it for yourself, and that is incredibly empowering. Simply by recognizing your queasy feeling and changing your thoughts at the beginning of the downturn, you’ve shown yourself that you have the strength and the resilience to overcome even the toughest challenges.
And the best part? This one small victory has a huge knock-on effect. By changing the path of your thoughts, you’re changing the need for validation and therefore the direction of your life. By doing this you’re opening yourself up to new possibilities and opportunities, and you’re creating a brighter, more positive future for yourself.
Develop a Habit of Happiness
People who have developed a habit of happiness have a deep understanding of what it means to truly feel great. They know that settling for anything less is simply not an option. When they experience any negativity, they immediately take action to validate themselves and get back to that place of bliss and joy. They understand the incredible power of feeling good and the immense impact it has on every aspect of their lives.
For them, happiness is not just a fleeting emotion that comes and goes. It’s a state of being that they cultivate and nurture every single day. They know that from this place of happiness, life unfolds in the most beautiful and magical ways.
When you develop a habit of happiness, you become the architect of your own life. You take control of your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions, and you create a reality that is filled with love, joy, and abundance. You no longer settle for anything less than the best, and you refuse to allow negativity to control your life.
Looking for Validation from Others
This morning, I was out on my usual walk-and-jog combo when I passed an elderly lady walking with a little stoop. As I reached the end of the road, I realized that there was nowhere to go, so I had to turn back and I passed her again. This time she said, “I’m doing well.” I gave her a thumbs up, and we both continued on our separate paths.
But as I walked away, I couldn’t help but think about how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeking validation from others. In my mind, I was judging her progress based on my own route, without any context of her own journey. I didn’t know if she was recovering from an illness or injury, or if she was just starting out on her own path. I had no way of knowing if she was truly doing well, and yet I found myself judging her progress.
And yet, this is what so many of us do in our own lives. We look for validation and approval from others, without any regard for our own unique journey. We seek the approval of our parents, partners, and bosses, and when we don’t receive it, we feel unworthy and unappreciated.
Using Validation to Uplift Yourself
But the truth is, we don’t need anyone else’s validation to feel uplifted, buoyant, and happy. We have the power within us to recognize our own progress, celebrate our own accomplishments, and validate ourselves on our own journey. We don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel worthy and appreciated.
So the next time you find yourself seeking validation from others, remember that your journey is unique and special. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel happy and fulfilled. You have the power within you to create your own path, celebrate your own progress, and find joy in every step of your journey.
1. First Step To Validation is Self-Love
The first step to finding validation within yourself is to practice self-love. This means accepting yourself for who you are and loving yourself unconditionally. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own unique qualities and strengths. Embrace your flaws and imperfections because they make you who you are.
2. Next Step is to Celebrate your Wins
Next, set realistic goals and celebrate your accomplishments. Don’t rely on others to recognize your achievements. Take the time to acknowledge your hard work and give yourself credit where credit is due. Remember, every small victory is worth celebrating.
3. Find some Uplifting People to Hang With
It’s also important to surround yourself with positive people who uplift and support you. Choose friends who motivate you to be your best self and avoid toxic relationships that bring you down. Seek out mentors who can guide you and offer constructive feedback.
4. Trust your Intuition and Back Yourself
Finally, learn to trust yourself and your instincts. You have the power to make decisions that are right for you. Don’t second-guess yourself or let others make decisions for you. Instead, trust that you know what’s best for yourself and take ownership of your choices.
External Validation is a Never-ending Cycle of Insecurity
What you know now is that seeking validation from external sources can be a never-ending cycle of disappointment and insecurity. But finding validation within yourself is a powerful tool that can help you build confidence and self-worth. Practice self-love, set realistic goals, surround yourself with positivity, and trust yourself. Remember, you are capable of validating your own worth and accomplishments. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel good about yourself.
So if you’re feeling down or discouraged, remember that you have the power to change your emotional state. Take action to validate yourself, and do whatever you can to get back to that place of happiness and joy. Because when you’re feeling great, you’re unstoppable. You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you can create a life that is beyond your wildest dreams.
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Who am I?
I’m Gayle Maree, creator of 6 Dimensions of Healing, author, mother, Past Life Therapist and Spiritual Counselor for over 23 years.
Someone once told me (a well-respected mentor) that people need “experts” to live a life they value… and I didn’t believe them.
I thought everybody could do it on their own because I did. I figured out what didn’t work in my life and then I changed it. Actually, I changed me. And it was a LOT of work!
Not because I was trying to impress those that told me I had a ‘bad attitude’ or I had something to prove to people who thought I was lousy at pretty well everything, but because there were aspects of me that even I didn’t like. I wanted improvements in me and my life.
Change Versus Comfort
It was obvious to me that if I didn’t make changes I could expect more of the same in my life as before. The same things that didn’t work, the same relationships that my parents had.
I wanted more. Mostly, I wanted my kids to be proud of me. Damn it, I wanted to be proud of myself.
So, I set about what would be a continuous, amazing journey.
I’ve been with my Spiritual Soulmate over 30 years now and we still work on the relationship, we work on improving us, because we know that whatever we want, to get it we need to be different to how we were.
And I listen so much more now because I value the wisdom of my non-physical guides who have been with me for as long as I can remember.
Now it’s your turn
This is the same path I used to make the changes that led to a valued and prosperous life. So much more than I ever imagined.
The path is laid out in our book 6 Dimensions of Healing