Change: It’s Not As Difficult As You Think

You’ve Been Making Changes forever

Have you ever heard somebody say that ‘they’ll never change’ or that ‘they’re too old to change now’? It’s a common statement and one I’ve either heard FROM older people or ABOUT older people again and again. There seems to be a belief that change is only for the younger generations for some reason. And yet the truth is that we all change constantly.

Because change is simply about changing old habit patterns that we’ve been stuck in for a long time. It’s not a scary word and it happens all the time, to everybody.

Why Wouldn’t we Change?

Every cell in our bodies replaces itself within a few years so why wouldn’t every thought and cell in our minds change as well? The cells certainly do but the thoughts, not so readily. This isn’t because of any age barrier. And it’s not because of the lack of thoughts. We have around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day. But even though we have a LOT of thoughts, some out loud and most inside of our heads, we tend to think the same thoughts every day. So, that’s a lot of repeated thoughts. And where your mind goes, energy flows.

So if it’s not because of an age barrier what is it? It’s because our body wants to hang on to what’s familiar. It doesn’t like stress and you’ve taught your body that you get stressed with the unknown, so it sends messages to you. Such as: it’s scary to change, change isn’t always for the better and, you tried it and you can’t change. This is called your comfort zone but it’s really a prison. And none of those statements are true. But because you don’t question those objections they rule until they don’t and then change occurs.

Hope & Pray for Things to Change

When the thoughts are the same then the patterns of behavior remain the same. Einstein remarked a long time ago that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So we don’t expect the same results but we just hope and pray for things to change or resign ourselves to the fact that we’re just not lucky. That’s why change seems so difficult and unlikely in some people because the thoughts have been the same for a long, long time.

But what happens if we go to a restaurant that we love, the one we’ve been going to regularly for the past 10 years and this one time we come home and start barfing our guts out? Just projectile vomiting from every orifice and we feel really lousy. Suddenly, that restaurant that we loved so much is bypassed because whenever we think of it, our stomach churns.

Pain Is A Great Motivator For Change

This is what we call motivation. Because we need the motivation to put changes into place. Nobody changes something without a reason and that reason usually comes in the form of motivation. Not necessarily motivation to be better, but often motivation to get away from pain. Like the relationship that ended badly. It’s not that you wanted to be a wonderful person and put changes in place, but that you didn’t want the pain of another terrible relationship.

Or the job that you’ll never do again because of the boss, the airline you’ll never fly with again because they were so rude, the hotel you’ll avoid because of the bed bugs, you get the gist. Pain is a great motivator for change.

The changes that we make are then in the opposite direction to the pain. And that’s a good thing. Whether we’re moving away from something we don’t like or towards something we do, it’s still changing. And it’s all moving in the right direction because it’s moving towards something that feels a little bit better than before.

  Change is simply about changing old habit patterns that we’ve been stuck in for a long time. It’s not a scary word and it happens all the time, to everybody.
Gayle Maree
(Click to Tweet quote)

Some People Really Want To Change

But sometimes, people we don’t expect to change do, and yet we don’t really want them to because we’re used to a specific way of feeling around that person. Whether it’s a people pleaser we go to for our complaints, somebody we expect to make us feel good about ourselves or even someone who puts us down every time we speak. We get used to them acting in a particular way and don’t want them to change. So even though these people may have changed, we often won’t let them.

You can hold somebody stuck in old patterns because you are used to them acting in a certain way and you keep responding to them as if they’re the same as you remember. You then elicit the old patterns that you’re used to from those people even though they are changing. This happens often in relationships.

Allowing Others to Change

You notice it often between parents and their children. It doesn’t matter how old the children are, whether it’s 5 or 50, they can still remember the old patterns of behavior and act out their part eliciting the same response as previous times.

But say your butcher has now become a superannuation salesman, you’re not going to keep asking him for meat are you? You don’t expect him to still be a butcher. But we do with others in our life because they don’t hang a shingle on the door to advertise they’ve changed.

Handling Changing Relationships

This happened when I did a lot of solo work on my relationship with my parents. There were a lot of things I remembered in a different way from my parents and I had a lot of baggage we’ll call it. Just memories and resentments I’d carried around rather like a large chip on my shoulder and it wasn’t really working for me in my life now as I wasn’t happy. So, I did the work.

Journaling was my therapeutic tool so I wrote about my memories and poured my heart out onto the page. Page after page I kept going until I was emotionally empty. Then I did a little ceremony, a celebration really and I burnt the pages. It was my stuff after all.

What followed was that the next time I visited my parents, not long after this process, I’d forgotten I’d done this work but they treated me noticeably differently. It was with respect and friendliness. The type afforded to a friend rather than a daughter. And this kept up, it was as if these were different parents because it was a totally new relationship. 

I noticed, my husband noticed and I was actually happy to be around them again. They had changed I thought. It was a miracle. However, when my younger sister visited, I saw that her relationship was the same as it was with them when she was growing up, there wasn’t the adult respect there that I had gained. She fell into the old patterns and they were there too.

It Only Takes One to Change

What I came to understand was that my parents hadn’t changed at all. I had. And because of that, they treated me differently without even being aware. I inspired a respectful response and my sister elicited the same relationship as she always had.

So the moral of this story is that it doesn’t take two to change. It only takes one and that one is you. You are the only person who can change your life and you’ll be making changes, tweaks and refinements for the rest of your life, no matter how old you are. So just relax and enjoy it.

Gayle Maree soul guidance

Begin to change by shifting a limiting belief.  Change is fun as you get to design a you that you love. It’s a learned behavior and you can begin right now. CLICK HERE.


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